Our New Old House

1918 Bungalow


Iron Chef Kelli-san

Today, this gross and smelly kitchen becomes Kitchen Stadium! But on this version of Iron Chef, we do not have a theme ingredient. We have a theme power tool! Witness the stunning culinary prowess as our Iron Chefs create a traditional American comfort food using only a Pro-Line Heat Gun!!! (It’s Iron Chef meets Red Green! Did I watch too much TV as a child? Yes. Yes I did.)


Alle cuisine!

[Announcer’s voice from the stands:] The most important thing to remember about making a toasted cheese sandwich is that the butter goes on the OUTSIDE! Let’s see if she remembers this crucial technique.


Beautifully done! You down there on the stadium floor! Ask her what she’s going to put inside the sandwiches! [Voiced over by a translator:] “I’m using a delicate blend of co-jack cheese, sliced extra thin at the local deli counter, and pre-packaged store-brand mozzarella cheese.” Back to you!


It seems she has handed off the bag of cheese to an assistant to cut open, lending credence to the rumor that Kelli-san is not allowed to play with sharp objects in the kitchen. [Kelli-san again voiced over by a translator:] “Tee-hee! I’m hopelessly inept at opening resealable bags without tearing the plastic zipper off. Somebody please invent a power tool for THAT!”


We can see here that she has expertly piled the mozzarella on TOP of the co-jack.


And now she carefully begins heating the cheese using the low setting on the heat gun. 750 degrees should be plenty hot, don’t you think?



With the sandwiches put together now, she starts browning the outside, melting the butter and crisping the crust SIMULTANEOUSLY. I tell you, you don’t see these kinds of old-world skills anymore.




The crowd is now hushed in anticipation of the final unveiling of this culinary masterpiece! The first test: the pull-apart string of melty cheese…


Bravo! Just like in the Kraft Singles commercials! Now, the most important test of all… Judges, what do you think?


It’s unanimous! Kelli-san is the new Iron Chef! Her power tool cuisine reigns supreme!

[Voiced over by a translator:] “Tee hee! I’m burning my tongue! Take the picture!”


Tags: , , ,

5 Responses to “Iron Chef Kelli-san”

  1. December 12th, 2007 at 5:23 am

    Nate says:

    I absolutely love it! You are an innovator and a role model! I need to find something ridiculous to do with my heat gun. Bravo Kelli!

  2. December 12th, 2007 at 5:23 am

    jm says:

    Brilliantly done! Clap, clap, clap!!!

  3. December 12th, 2007 at 2:25 pm

    Di says:

    Holy crap, that has to be the funniest thing I’ve seen in ages…!! I love my heat gun, but I never even considered cooking with it!

  4. December 13th, 2007 at 4:51 pm

    PigeonGB says:

    Aw, everyone else already said that they laughed and loved it.

    Well, I’ll say “Me, too!” like some brain-dead AOL-er. Did you have to be extra careful at such a high heat setting, or was it just quicker to make sandwiches?

  5. December 13th, 2007 at 5:03 pm

    ournewoldhouse1 says:

    PigeonGB, it actually took longer to cook the sandwiches this way. But I do these things not because I should, not because I have to, but because I can. 🙂

Leave a Reply