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Iron Chef Kelli-san

Today, this gross and smelly kitchen becomes Kitchen Stadium! But on this version of Iron Chef, we do not have a theme ingredient. We have a theme power tool! Witness the stunning culinary prowess as our Iron Chefs create a traditional American comfort food using only a Pro-Line Heat Gun!!! (It’s Iron Chef meets Red Green! Did I watch too much TV as a child? Yes. Yes I did.)

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Alle cuisine!

[Announcer’s voice from the stands:] The most important thing to remember about making a toasted cheese sandwich is that the butter goes on the OUTSIDE! Let’s see if she remembers this crucial technique.

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Beautifully done! You down there on the stadium floor! Ask her what she’s going to put inside the sandwiches! [Voiced over by a translator:] “I’m using a delicate blend of co-jack cheese, sliced extra thin at the local deli counter, and pre-packaged store-brand mozzarella cheese.” Back to you!

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It seems she has handed off the bag of cheese to an assistant to cut open, lending credence to the rumor that Kelli-san is not allowed to play with sharp objects in the kitchen. [Kelli-san again voiced over by a translator:] “Tee-hee! I’m hopelessly inept at opening resealable bags without tearing the plastic zipper off. Somebody please invent a power tool for THAT!”

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We can see here that she has expertly piled the mozzarella on TOP of the co-jack.

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And now she carefully begins heating the cheese using the low setting on the heat gun. 750 degrees should be plenty hot, don’t you think?

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With the sandwiches put together now, she starts browning the outside, melting the butter and crisping the crust SIMULTANEOUSLY. I tell you, you don’t see these kinds of old-world skills anymore.

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The crowd is now hushed in anticipation of the final unveiling of this culinary masterpiece! The first test: the pull-apart string of melty cheese…

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Bravo! Just like in the Kraft Singles commercials! Now, the most important test of all… Judges, what do you think?

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It’s unanimous! Kelli-san is the new Iron Chef! Her power tool cuisine reigns supreme!

[Voiced over by a translator:] “Tee hee! I’m burning my tongue! Take the picture!”

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5 Responses to “Iron Chef Kelli-san”

  1. December 12th, 2007 at 5:23 am

    Nate says:

    I absolutely love it! You are an innovator and a role model! I need to find something ridiculous to do with my heat gun. Bravo Kelli!

  2. December 12th, 2007 at 5:23 am

    jm says:

    Brilliantly done! Clap, clap, clap!!!

  3. December 12th, 2007 at 2:25 pm

    Di says:

    Holy crap, that has to be the funniest thing I’ve seen in ages…!! I love my heat gun, but I never even considered cooking with it!

  4. December 13th, 2007 at 4:51 pm

    PigeonGB says:

    Aw, everyone else already said that they laughed and loved it.

    Well, I’ll say “Me, too!” like some brain-dead AOL-er. Did you have to be extra careful at such a high heat setting, or was it just quicker to make sandwiches?

  5. December 13th, 2007 at 5:03 pm

    ournewoldhouse1 says:

    PigeonGB, it actually took longer to cook the sandwiches this way. But I do these things not because I should, not because I have to, but because I can. 🙂

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